I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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