I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
