tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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