Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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