I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's get the cat blown out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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