I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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