I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
