The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
