What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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