Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
