Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
