Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
