i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
