Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have demons in me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
