This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
