you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
