I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
