my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
