He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
