Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
