sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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