porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
