don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
