well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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