im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
