Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
