I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
