i would punch a child for taco bell
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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