Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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