well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As shirtless as possible
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
