a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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