He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
