i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
