I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
