literally had 100 drinks last night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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