today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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