btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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