Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
