I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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