He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
