I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
