I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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