Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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