I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
did i just pee glitter
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
