tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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