Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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