I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
