The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
