She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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