I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I could make wine with my vomit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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