today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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