HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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