if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
