so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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