why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
