I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize