I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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