'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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