I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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