the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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