Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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