the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
