It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
