My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
