you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
