Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
