Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
