then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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